Sunday, April 26, 2009

Clow UFO base quarantined

Officials insist Bolingbrook is safe

By Reporter X

Bolingbrook's Clow UFO base is under lockdown after three visitors came down with Europa Flu.

"This is purely a precautionary measure." Said Joan Armstrong, spokesperson for Clow. "Clow has the finest medical facilities among all UFO bases. We do not expect too many cases of terminal living when this is over with."

Officials, who spoke privately with this reporter, expressed concerns about this strain of Europa Flu. This flu, one of the deadliest strains in the solar system, has a 99 percent fatality rate. The strain detected at Clow also contains DNA from the Mars Flu and the Proxima Centauri Plague.

"Europa Flu is bad enough, but what we detected is a super-bug." Said an anonymous official. "No creature in the universe has immunity. It could wipe out all life on Earth if it gets out. Heck, if it gets into the main population, it could wipe out galactic civilization."

Despite the severity of the situation, people inside Clow describe the situation as calm.

"We've been told that Clow has enough food and water to last for 1 Earth year." Said Glop Xe of the Tau Ceti Alliance. "Right now we just have to fight boredom. Some of the Barnard visitors tried to eat each other, but that's normal them."

John Elliot, a human technician, says he misses his family. "But at the same time, I don't want to put them at risk by visiting them. And I don't want to put the world at risk by taking them on a cross-country trip. Hey, I've read The Stand. Anyway, as long as I can stay in touch with my family over Twitter, things should be fine. Hopefully no one will die."

Village officials insist that the village is safe, but are considering evacuation plans.

"If it looks like we may need to evacuate Bolingbrook, Roger might announce that he's doubling the property tax." Said an anonymous official. "No one will doubt his reasons for wanting a tax increase, and it would definitely clear out Bolingbrook."

Astrobiologists who spoke to The Babbler believe that if the virus doesn't escape Clow, it should die out after a week.

When asked to comment, Mayor Roger Claar angrily replied, "Of course there's no problem. Would I be drinking the hard stuff right now if my village was on the verge of extinction?"

Also in The Babbler:

Witch clams credit for Bulls win
Anti-psychic kitty starts blog
Venus Ambassador demands apology from Elyse
Chicago police test Virtual Reality "Enhanced Interrogation" interface


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

2 comments:

IQXS said...

Thank you for the post!

Cute..:)
"errr...kindly pass that "hard stuff" over here, Mr. Mayor."

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Brian_E said...

As long as it doesn't reach the Golf Club neither I nor the mayor will care.