Sunday, March 15, 2009

Drew Peterson cancels speech at Clow UFO Base

By Reporter X

Drew Peterson canceled a speech at Clow UFO base, citing his concern over the presence of telepathic aliens.

"Mr. Peterson, like most humans, does not like the idea of some extraterrestrial poking through his thoughts." Said publicist Sonya Chow. "Since he did not receive the proper reassurances from Clow's administrators, we had no choice but to cancel the speech."

Peterson, whose wife Stacy Peterson has been missing since 10/28/07, was going to speak to the Bolingbrook chapter of the Society of Interstellar Journalists. According to Qu'Goo, president of the chapter, Peterson was a natural choice.

"The local media has all but convicted Drew Peterson of murder." Said Qu'Goo. "Just as the media has portrayed us as either godlike or blood thirsty killers. Sometimes both. So we wanted to hear his prospective on media bias."

Qu'Goo also questioned Peterson's reason for canceling the speech.

"Clow has very strict protocols for it's telepathic visitors. We also would have been happy to provide Mr. Peterson with a thought shield. Still, we cannot pass judgment on his actions, for then we would be just as biased as the Earth media is."

Xi Quat, correspondent for the Milky Way News Service, disagreed having Peterson as a speaker.

"His wife is missing, and may be dead. All he seems to care about is getting as much publicity as possible. Some cultures this is expected, but not among American humans. I'm glad he canceled because he would have used our honorable profession to advance his agenda!"

An anonymous source within Peterson's camp offered another explanation for why Peterson canceled his speech.

"Drew never intended to give that speech." She said. "He just wanted to do something that would rile up The Babbler's readers. We're concerned that charges might eventually be filed against Drew. So we're trying to polarize American public opinion about him. There will be no way a fair trail could be held in the United States. Then we'll try to move the venue to either Saudi Arabia or Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. We think we can get a fair trial in those courts, and the laws would certainly favor Drew. Not that he did any wrong."

The Babbler will not conduct any interviews with Drew Peterson.

Also in The Babbler
Mother Nature says one more week of winter!
Anti-psychic kitty a YouTube sensation!
Werebirds demand more feeders in Chicago
Ghost gangs of Aurora sign truce

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: