Monday, February 2, 2009

Super Bowl XLIII tainted by alien cheating?

By Reporter X

Twelve aliens were detained for questioning at Bolingbrook's Clow UFO base regarding possible extraterrestrial interference in Super Bowl XLII. The aliens were released six hours later after they surrendered their passport chips.

According to sources, The Men in Black believe that someone fired neuron neutralizers at the Arizona Cardinals during Steeler James Harrison's 100-yard return. Intercepted phone conversations suggest that the interstellar atheist group No Gopt was behind the attack.

"Just look at the Cardinals during that play!" Said a person who sounded like sports columnist Jay Mariotti. "The Cubs little league team could tackle better than that! For that one play, they weren't the underrated desert powerhouse. They were the Bears! Only aliens could turn the Cardinals into the Bears!"

No Gopt, based in Polaris, has attacked religious events on other worlds, including the coronation of the 3rd Space Pope. A press release from No Gopt claims that the Super Bowl is a religious event.

"If the Cardinals win, quarterback Kurt Warner will use the victory to promote his fictitious god. His words will pollute space as human fundamentalists transmit his boring speeches. We, as citizens of universe, must do everything we can to stop the Cardinals."

After its release, HemlPlay sent the following message to The Babbler: "The Bolingbrook 12 are innocent of all of these charges. Senator John McCain is persecuting us because he can't believe his team lost. So he is blaming us! We say that his state is filled with superstitious losers, and we will prove it in interstellar court!"

The Bolingbrook Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs refused to comment for this story. The NFL's receptionist laughed and hung up the phone before we could speak with any league officials.

Also in The Babbler:

Bolingbrook running out of gold
Mayor Claar denies his daughter has shocking Myspace page
Time traveler arrested outside of Drew Peterson's home
Drunk alien hijacks Pace bus

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

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