Sunday, January 18, 2009

Shelled aliens offended by scheduled singer at Clow Inaugural Ball

By Reporter X

Twelve ambassadors from aquatic worlds today filed a protest against singer Juanita Rodriguez scheduled performance at the Clow UFO Base Inaugural Ball. Rodriguez, member of the contemporary Christian duo Juanita and Claudia, has called shellfish "abominations."

"This is outrageous!" Said Glacko of XG-12. "Our people developed shells to survive our harsh environment. I would love to see her squishy body survive a school of plankrana!"

"Once again our Earth hosts have sent offence toward us." Said Ambassador Plani Tu of Alpha Centauri. "First you try to send an inferior remake of 'The Day the Earth Stood Still.' Now you have hired a singer who is offended by our normal skin texture! It is she who is the abomination in the eyes of our overseer! Only by turning over Keanu Reeves to our Court of Cultural Justice will we be satisfied!"

The aliens are referring to her 2001 interview with The Bolingbrook Babbler. When asked about her feelings out gays, she replied, "Well I used to like shellfish, but my minister says it is an abomination. So that means there's something fundamentally offensive about shellfish. They are abominations in the eyes of our Lord."

John Thompson, of Bolingbrook's Department of Extraterrestrial Affairs, defended the choice.

"The Obama Administration is about people coming together. That includes people who hate aquatic shelled aliens. We'll have a shelled alien give a short speech at the Pre-Inaugural Social on Monday. If they don't like it, they can go to Washington and try to avoid the Men in Black.  Let me tell you, you can't hide from them.  Even with 2 million visitors in the city.  They will find you!"

When contacted by The Babbler, Rodriguez replied, "I don't know why God created civilizations of abominations. But I'm sure God has a plan, and I trust that they will respect my beliefs and my right to perform at Clow. They are guests on our planet after all."

Rodriguez added that she would refrain from commenting on the shelled members of the audience, but "that won't stop me from singing about our loving Lord!"

The ball will be broadcast over the HARP Network.

When asked if she would reunite with her twin sister, Claudia, Juanita giggled, and said. "She's my twin. We'll never be apart!"

Also in The Babbler:
Man parks in Downers Grove, walks to Washington DC
Snow Snakes attack Tollway
Ghost cat spotted in Morton Arboretum
Man leaves cat outside to perform "cryogenic" research
President-elect Obama honors deceased black op astronauts


Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.


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