Bolingbrook's Men in Blue found an 11-year-old girl onboard an alien time ship claiming to be Sasha Obama, daughter of President Elect Barack Obama.
According to sources at Clow UFO Base, the girl claimed that she was from the year 2012, and she had to warn her younger self. The girl said that her 7-year-old self was about to make a major gaff that would eventually lead to her father losing the 2012 election.
"I did something stupid, and media just wouldn't let up!" Read a transcript from a source close to the Men in Blue. "I was just a little kid. Why did the media have to be so mean? I wasn't trying to hurt anyone, but I ended up hurting my daddy!"
Obama wouldn't say what she did. She did say that the event occurred while she was with her mother. Michelle Obama apparently didn't realize that a reporter was watching them, and she said something that made the incident worse.
"It sounded like it sparked a media fury." Said the source. "Kind of like what happened to President Clinton in 1998. Only it lasted for four years."
The girl went on to say, that because of the media frenzy, President Obama couldn't pass any legislation through Congress, the Democrats lost the House and Senate, and Sarah Palin won the Presidential election of 2012.
"She even dressed up in Klan robes and said that she was showing her support for oppressed people." Read the transcript. "She still won the election. It was all my fault." The transcript goes on to say that she cried after saying that.
The girl then played a holographic message from a man who looked like an older version of President-elect Obama.
"No matter what the media says, Sasha, I want you to know that I love you, and you will always be my daughter." President Obama is alleged to have said.
The girl continued that this message inspired her to sneak aboard an alien time ship at Area 51, and try to change history.
Posing as a conservative blogger, this reporter was able to confirm that there are plans to exploit any gaffs by the Obama family, including his daughters' mistakes.
"It'll just be like the time Rush called Chelsea Clinton a dog." Said a '"reliable source." "Only Hannity will break the story, Rush will say he went too far. Can your blog say, 'Yes it was too much, but—' Oh, and don't worry. If the liberal media attacks you, we'll just bully them into silence."
When this reporter called a cell phone number listed in the transcript, Michelle Obama answered.
"I don't know how you got my phone number, but---Sasha, come here!"
Sasha replied, "Mom, can we get a turkey pizza for Thanksgiving?"
"No sweetie." Replied Michelle. "We promised Aunt Maya that we would have a whole turkey for Thanksgiving. We can have turkey pizza the day after Thanksgiving."
"OK." Replied Sasha.
After Michelle hung up, the source called this reporter to say that the alleged future Sasha had just vanished, and she no longer showed up on any video logs.
"It's like she never existed. Damn it! We changed the future course of history!"
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.