By Doug Fields, Readers' Editor
While our Internet readers seem to read our website in stunned silence, the readers of our paper edition are sending us lots of letters. It has been quite a challenge to find quality prose worthy of The Babbler's long tradition of quality writing. Even so, I am glad to see that letter writing is still alive and well. I also welcome those Internet readers who want to accept the challenge of having a letter printed in The Babbler. Any mere fool can leave a comment, but are you up to the challenge of writing a thoughtful letter?
Our first letter, I hope, was sent to us by mistake:
To The Babbler:
I am so sick of all the liberal whining the past week. So Barack Obama was arrested, and the election suspended. Didn't you read the e-mails? If anything, you should be upset that our President didn't arrest him sooner! Why did you guys nominate him in the first place? It's your fault that so many people were almost fooled into voting for a terrorist. Now we have to waste taxpayer dollars removing his name from the ballet.
Also, sure Joe Biden was a great man. But that doesn't excuse his resisting arrest. Maybe he shouldn't have been arrested, but he was associated with Barack Obama, and so the President had to arrest him, for our safety. Let this be a lesson to any liberals who resist arrest. You'll get tasered and die, just like Joe!
Finally, stop whining about WCPT's studio being bombed. It's obvious to me that they were making bombs in their studio, and one of them went off. Thank God they didn't kill innocent people!
So to all you liberals out there, I say shut up and support the only legitimate successors to President Bush: Palin/McCain!
Either we avoided these incidents, or things are going to get very ugly in the next two weeks.
Anyway, a long time writer to The Babbler now finds herself in a trying situation.
To The Babbler:
For the past eight years, Bolingbrook Against Renters has fought to ban apartments and rental housing in Bolingbrook. Now, thanks to Bush's mismanagement, two-thirds of our members have been forced to moving into rental housing.
Now some of you would think that we would disband, or learn to appreciate renters. Well you're wrong! Our former members tell us of their unimaginable suffering. They listen to their neighbor's loud music or crying babies. They have to struggle everyday to escape the complex parking lot, and come home to a building filled with scary strangers!
While our numbers are diminished, we will continue the struggle to end renting in Chicago. This November, we plan on voting for Barack Obama and hope he will strengthen the economy so that good people can afford their own homes. This crisis will pass!
We pray that our former members will resist the temptations that lead most renters into a life of drugs, sex, and rap music! When they can rejoin the ranks of homeowners, we will welcome them back in our organization.
We may be down, but we are not out!
Marjorie J. Carter
At this point, I must remind our readers that the opinions in our letters column do not reflect the beliefs of The Babbler staff.
Finally, this letter became the victim of cruel fate.
To The Babbler:
I have read your Ticked-off Ted column for years, and I love it. That man tells it like it is! He slams both liberal Democrats and liberal Republicans!
I especially liked the 10/12/08 column because he's right. There is no way Colin Powell supports Barack Hussein Obama. I can't wait for him to publicly denounce Obama! Once that happens, Palin will storm back in the polls and win the election!
Keep up the great work Ted! I can't believe you've been writing this column all by yourself for 41 years!
Joe C. Pinsker
Also in The Babbler
Mark Cuban: Give me the Cubs or I will buy The Bears!
Boston witch doctor promises to help Cubs
9 FM fans start hunger strike
UFO lands at Downers Grove birthday party
Friendly pit bull found!
Bolingbrook in the Bible
Confessions of an Adultolescent
God to smite Bolingbrook on 10/23/08!
Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.