Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Breaking News: Bolingbrok Mayor Claar to be nominated for VP!

Friends of the family of some of the Illinois Republican Delegates say that Bolingbrook Mayor Roger Claar will be nominated for Vice-President. If true, this could be the first Republican convention floor fight in decades.

"Sure John wants to appeal to women," said Donny, whose brother's friend is part of the Illinois delegation. "But Palin has way too much baggage, and she can't shoot her way out of this mess. Roger, on the other hand, is a proven leader. Women dig strong, older men, like Roger. Right now, he's our only chance to get the PUMA vote!"

June, another friend of a delegate's relative, says that Claar is vastly more experienced than Governor Sarah Palin.

"When space terrorists attacked Bolingbrook, Roger borrowed the US's interstellar fleet, and leveled the terrorists' home world. That's true commander-in-chief experience! Palin? She has no control over the Alaskan National Guard when they're working for the government. Hell, she didn't even select the head of the Alaskan National Guard!"

June also compared Palin's foreign experience to Claar's.

"Roger deals with space aliens almost every day because Bolingbrook is home to the world's largest urban UFO base. Palin just happens to live next to Russia.  Also, Bolingbrook has more people than Alaska.  Or so I've heard."

Steve, a friend of Mayor Claar, said Claar would be open to joining McCain's ticket.

"He told me, 'Steve, I'm glad that John found his soul mate, but you don't make your soul mate your VP! You keep her hidden. Or so I've heard!'"

Though some political observers say the Stacy Peterson case could hurt Claar chances of stealing the VP nomination on Thursday, Donny disagrees.

"Well I hope Stacy is OK, but lets face it. If he was willing to keep Drew Peterson on the police force, imagine the kind of people he would hire to run Gitmo? Plus he put Illinois into play.  Besides, a floor fight would be great news for the McCain campaign!"

When asked to comment, Claar said he was going to be out of town for a while, and didn't know when he would be back.

Please note: All articles on this site are works of fiction.

No comments: